I had just walked down the stage with my high school diploma. I didn’t think this day would come so soon. I remember thinking to myself—HOW did this day come so fast…
After realizing I needed to start college since gap year had been ruled out of my options, I dreaded the reality; but I was also excited. It’s college after all. The madness of American college culture that I grew up watching on TV—I was excited to experience it all.
My expectations fell through. I didn’t experience any sort of the cliché college things. Moreover, I barely made friends and I felt myself closing. I think for the first time in my life, I suffered from mental health issues. I sought counseling. I can’t recall exactly for what reasons but I know it had something to do with being in a new environment and starting a new chapter of life. Fall 2017 felt very low.
Retrospectively, my life was amazing. I had everything I needed for a comfortable life. The first three levels of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs were fulfilled. I was simply suffering inside from who knows what.
You either control your mind or it controls you.
For the following years after, I had such a burning desire to leave this town. “This Southern crowd isn’t really my type,” I thought.
Life was honestly mundane. I woke up at dawn, attended class, dragged myself to my part time job, fitted in a gym session, rush back to the campus library for a long study session, then drove home as I realize the time is past 8pm.
Five times a week I repeated this; with a 12 hour waitressing shift on Saturdays.
For two years of college.
I knew everything I yearned for was outside of this small city, and I was determined as ever to get out.
I had this idea in my head for the longest time—since freshman year of high school when I stumbled upon a video of a university student and her life of study abroad. I made a mental note to research further once I got accepted into uni. I did so and I aimed to go abroad sometime in my second year. A series of misfortunes arose and I had let myself down again. I couldn’t possibly go abroad in 2018-19 academic year anymore. I was beginning to feel immensely lost and life just kept getting even more mundane.
For two years, I coped. What I had left was faith. With a new goal to study abroad for the 2019-20 year, I submitted an application for the Gilman Scholarship in March 2019.
An opportunity came when I was awarded the Gilman Scholarship. It was finally a dream turned reality. Even more adversities were thrown at me after knowing I was a Gilman scholar. Moreover, I almost had to forfeit the scholarship due to paperwork issues. It took a week for me to finally click “accept” for the scholarship. Alas, my determination came through and I was finally able to book my one way ticket to Seoul, South Korea for August 28, 2019.
Excuse my use of language, but there is no better way to describe my first semester in Seoul other than-Fucking Incredible. I experienced many things for the first time.
- Partying til dawn.
- Drinking legally.
- Trying all kinds of iconic Korean foods.
- Traveling around Asia
- Dating in Seoul.
- Failing a class (it was non transferable and not an effective course so it wasn’t worth trying personally).
- Unwillingly ate (cow?) intestine.
- Forcing myself to drink iced americano to the point that it’s now my fave order after Cold Brew.
And the list goes on.
I was, and still am, “living my best life”. It was a genuinely wonderful first semester, albeit with some cloudy days. As cliché as it always sounds, study abroad-no matter the duration-is a life changing experience.
As I lay here on Ao Nang beach drafting this entry for my blog, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. I’ve recently finished volunteering at a non-profit, NK English School, assisting in English teaching in Nong Khiaw, Laos. Now I’m currently on my second volunteer work in southern Thailand assisting in English teaching as well. I guess I can say it’s a side passion of mine.
As a young female solo traveler, the world is intimidating. Especially in under undeveloped parts of Asia. I’ve felt afraid, apprehensive, and would often reconsider my travel plans. I’ve had my fair share of travel transportation horrors, and I still cannot believe I’m brave enough to do this on my own. Although the world may seem too daunting at times, it doesn’t deter me from solo traveling.
Lastly, I can’t stop thinking about how supportive my parents have been through this journey. I try my best to call them every other day and whenever I do, I’m reminded of their support. And without their support, I wouldn’t be the brave soul that I am today.
I realize others have to the fortune to experience these things way before the age of twenty but one of my best life lesson is— everyone goes through the motions of life uniquely; you’re going at your own pace. I was not raised from fortune and study abroad was my first opportunity to see the world.
For me to be in this setting right now, sunbathing on a beach in beautiful Thailand with absolutely no worries currently circulating my mind—I’m grateful. My mind has never been so free from anxious thoughts.
Dreams do turn reality,
Sun Irene.
(p.s. only if you persevere)
suncafes 
Great post 😁
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